Sometimes I Feel Looney

I feel on a whole, that I am healing at a good and appropriate pace. Though there is no real guideline and every person responds differently during the healing process. I'll admit that there is no real way to measure how I'm doing, besides being honest with how I feel each day and working on making positive strides for my future.

I've been doing a few things recently that I've never done and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of. Well almost every minute of a workout class at the Y. It's fun to get out in the morning and feel your muscles ache, at least I enjoy it! I've met some new people and I can lift a gallon of milk again! (Three weeks of bed rest really did me in quick.)

I have spent a few days out at North Powder Elementary school helping with math in the 3 and 5th grade classes. This I've enjoyed every minute of! I'm going back tomorrow and can't wait.

David and I are taking a road trip in a few weeks. Not necessarily in memory of the boys per say, but in a sense a trip we feel will be spiritually refreshing and will provide some new scenery. We didn't exchange gifts at Christmas and haven't spent anytime out of Baker together for several months. We are both excited about hitting the road for a while.

In the midst of making some positive strides, there can also be some hard days, and even random hard hours inside of good days. I've found huge lumps in my throat as well as huge warm tears brimming at my eyes with no notice. More tears than I would like. I wasn't surprised, mostly disappointed that the tears come so often when I feel like I've been doing so well. I found this to be an interesting take on crying and tears; "Scientists have discovered that the emotional tears contain higher levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin, and this contributes in a reduction of both of these in the body; thus helping to keep depression away. Many people have found that crying actually calms them after being upset, and this is in part due to the chemicals and hormones that are released in the tears."

This made me feel okay about those crocodile tears making the way down my face.

But why am I laughing and crying, sometimes at the same time? I am loosing it? Am I going crazy?



"We need both laughter and tears to help us function. Crying relieves stress, reduces hormone and chemical levels in the body, and helps us return to a calm state. Laughter relieves stress, stimulates healing, exercises certain parts of the body, and helps in human bonding. That is why crying and laughing are beneficial to us both emotionally and physically."

This made me feel a little better about myself...at least both are healthy and a piece of my healing. Also I've never been a touchy feely sort of person, but I've found hugs to be something that I love from people! So if you see me around, don't hesitate!