Sunday, December 20, 2009

One Year

December 20th 2008

Quintin Henry
1 pound 1 ounce
12 inches long


Speedy Henry
1 pound 6 ounce
12 inches long

Entered and exited this world after one precious hour.

Who would have thought these little boys would be our first children? Small and helpless we held them and washed them with tears and kisses. My life stopped. I wanted to leave and enter heaven with them. In those moments and days after, I couldn't imagine tomorrow, let alone a whole year later.

Here we are, so full and happy, yet still alone. David and I took two days to spend together, we went to Boise and did some of our favorite things you can only do in the city. Mostly ate good food and shared lots of good lattes. We talked, I cried. We've been through a lot, and yet I honestly without the slightest lie can say it is well.

You can still have beauty and fulfillment inside of pain and uncertainty. We both still share the deepest of desires to be parents. I don't think either of us thought that a year later it would be just us still. It has given us time to talk and dream. Dance and cry, argue and love, meet new friends and learn about ourselves.

Through everything, there is really one very real, unexplainable and undeniable factor. This God we've always be spoken to about, we have felt him. We may have more questions than we've ever had, but one true piece that can't be taken away, it defeats the darkest doubts we may have. Our God is here, He always has been. I also know that when I am weak He is strong. We live in a world where, we should always be strong, in control of our emotions, our health, our finances, and so on. Strong and control are strange words. I believe that in order for God to truly give us the choice to love Him then He has released some of His control. Though He may have less control than we may believe, I don't believe he has less love. This love is greater than our simple minds can even imagine and partnered with His great love is His Spirit. Both we have tasted.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Here we are today...

(David said he didn't have a shirt on because it was warm inside; I have a scarf on because it's cold!)