Monday, May 2, 2011

My Reflection

I couldn't be happier to announce the birth of our beautiful daughter. Charlene Rivers was born March 30th at 6:55am, 9lbs 8oz and 20 inches long. A moment that we've dreamed of came and we couldn't ask for more. A smooth labor one week after my due date. Followed by an uneventful delivery. Healthy and whole. A sweet, sweet baby was placed on my chest. We are so thankful.

It is really hard to explain those early moments. Exhaustion and pure elation. Deep satisfaction and great awe. Counting all the toes and fingers and studying each detail of her. Such pride and fulfillment. I have to say that I thought I would be very emotional once she came, but I was so overwhelmed with excitement I don't remember any tears. I might have cried but was too tired to have tears I guess. It wasn't until we buckled her into the car seat and I realized that we were bringing this baby home that the emotions took over.
The greatest contrast between leaving a hospital without my babies, to bringing home a daughter a few short years later. The redemption in this moment will forever be with me.

So here we are almost 5 weeks later. David is back to work. The kids and I are settling into a new normal. I wouldn't call it scheduled, each day is different, full of unpredictable moments. Zach is learning to be a gentle big brother. He is actually doing very well. I'm learning how to let things go and yet, keep up with things. Motherhood is quite unique. Talking with another mom friend, we decided that it is full of contradictions. Such as, time goes by so fast and yet so slowly. Staying home can feel very lonely at times, and yet you never feel like you have a moment to yourself. Letting the cleaning and chores go, and yet not neglecting your house completely. Balance, balance, balance... And yet, today, while I was working on preparing dinner, I caught my reflection in the microwave door. A few tears welled up, I looked awful. My hair looking slept on, the hooded sweater I've worn for weeks, pajama pants, and did I mention the purple half moons under my eyes? The tears really weren't because I looked so scary, but a true and deep contentment for my life. Even with all the food and dirt piling in the corners of my kitchen floor, a constant smell of milk on everything I own, an energetic two-year old painting my wall with his mac and cheese and thirty piles of laundry. I wouldn't trade today with anyone. Midnight feedings, really, they are magical. Quiet as it can be, just a sweet baby cuddled in close to her momma. Nothing else is going on and we can just be the two of us. With a sweet husband sleeping next to me and a precious little boy dreaming of Papas and trucks, the world feels right. For as tiring as a day in our house can be, the nights are peaceful. I am blessed.

I didn't realize that shoes were on the lunch menu today.

Our happy baby.

Just the surface of this beast!

More of my happy babies...

We have a slight addiction in our home currently. Zach watches 'Cars' at least once a day (no judgment, it gets us through). He is completely caught up in the movie, and I'm sure he has seen it at least 40 times.

To showers, 8 hours of continuous sleep, fresh makeup, and spit-up free clothes, I won't trade my sweet babies for you.