Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Love Struck

I should be working right now. Zach is being watched so I can work. Precious time to be productive without ignoring my little one's needs.

My mind is completely preoccupied.

I've never been that woman that just loves being pregnant. I do have nice hair as an outcome, but I'm not too fond of putting weight on. I love a full nights sleep. Eating more is a benefit, but for some reason this time I am eating too much I am sure. I'm always on the go, so when my energy runs out around noon and I'm completely spent by 7pm I feel like I'm always behind, always, always tired. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I'm not. I am thankful I can be pregnant.  I just can't relate to woman who love being pregnant.

Yesterday I heard the little heart beat at the doctors office. I think I've been love struck since yesterday afternoon! Then I heard my heartbeat in the background. My steady, much slower, calm and strong heart is guiding and growing that fast little pulse. I swallowed back a tear. Oh how many tears have been dropped on doctor office floors from my eyes.

Of course I worry about having a healthy baby.  I don't want to get too attached in-case of all the "what ifs". I can't bare the thought of leaving the hospital without my baby(ies) again.  But something unexplainable happens when you see or hear that little life inside of you. It is completely impossible not to attach. Not to do anything it would take to give it the best chance at life you could give it. Overcome with love for someone you've never met, yet 24 hours a day it is inside of you. We are one.

Maybe I should get back to work.

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