Monday, October 4, 2010

Dear You,

I've been doing some thinking lately. Some thinking that requires some quiet time, so it doesn't happen very often. I've been finding some quiet spaces here and there in the mornings and a few times while I've been in the car driving.

Many of the thoughts have been about you. Yes, whoever is on their computer reading this now. Some of you have written me emails, others call, some post comments. I'm so happy you like reading my blog; but more than that, why would you? Very few have lost twins to TTTS like us, and few have adopted through DHS. Even fewer are married by 17 and have 6 siblings. I don't pride myself in thinking I am completely unique, but I do often feel strangely that no one has been in my shoes.

During one of my quiet mornings I was listening to a book on tape (well CD) and heard this;

"It is the fashion of today to complain about these missing pieces- to blame our backstory for not having fully prepared us. But I think that's a mistake. I think we are all meant to search. We have all been taught some of what love is, and the rest we have to go figure out. There is a yearning to fill our gaps, to make up for what we have missed.

This is true for us, and it was true for our parents, and it was true for every generation before them. Unfortunately, it will also be true for our children. This is the nature of life. We have not been cheated. We get this chance at life, but we have to hold up our end of the bargain. We have to learn what love is, learn the parts we missed and pass it on. That's the deal."

Now, Po Bronson is talking about family in his book "Why Do I Love These People?". Families that have 'lost their way' and make life-long journeys to love and forgive. Truly it is a great read.

When I heard those two paragraphs, I knew something. Though he was talking about family, it also relates to us as individuals in this life. We are searching. Though you may not have done or experienced some or any of the pieces that make up my story, YOUR story is really not that different.

Pain, suffering, love, connection, being a parent, or being a child. Forgiveness and mercy, deception and despair. Frustration and breakthroughs, triumph and failures. They are what make us human. They are what bind us is sharing this experience in life. What make us brother and sister on such an unknown journey. We each have a past and from it we try to make tomorrow better. Each of our tomorrows are still secret to us, but we hope and anticipate for it. Though mine may not look or read just like yours, the same joy and sadness that I speak of, you have felt.

Loss and beauty are each ours to have. It is what we do with them, how we weave them into our lives that can determine how we see ourselves and our world. Like they are mine, they too are yours.

Thank you for helping this be a place where I've learned, shared, healed and hoped.



  1. hey hey...
    I think that the best thing about going through different experiences is learning more about ourselves and becoming more aware and certain of who we are as an individual. We look to those who have been through the same or who know people who have for wisdom and support which helps us connect in many ways.

  2. I agree, and thank you for suggesting the other blogs!

  3. Great post alyssa! I am glad you are back into blogging. I hope to hear from you more often. Love you guys!