Happy Halloween From the Henrys!

"Mom is this smile big enough for that piece of candy you are holding?"

Thankful Thursday

In every form of the word "thankful", David and I are.

Long story. I'll try to make it shorter.

I requested to have my ultrasound done at a bigger hospital for this pregnancy. I wanted the "pros" to do it.  St. Luke's to be specific. My doctor didn't mind at all and set it all up for us. When I requested that we had it done in Boise, I just meant at the hospital where the "normal" people get theirs done. My doctor scheduled me at the Maternal Fetal Medicine office. I didn't mind, but they are specialist, they are there for the times that things don't look so good.

Once we got into the office for my appointment, I was completely overwhelmed with emotion. This was where we found out about TTTS with our twin boys. We were early, so we waited. I couldn't believe I had come back here. "What a huge mistake" I kept thinking. The ultrasound tech called us back. She was the same one who told us about the complications. I recognized her face right away. Then she took us to the SAME room. I wanted to run.

She asked me how I was feeling. Then she told us she recognized us from two years ago. We recognized her, but I didn't think anyone there would remember us. She went on to tell us she had heard through our cousin, who had gone to the same clinic for her babies, that we were thinking of adopting. I started to feel a little more comfortable.

The ultrasound went well. Our doctor who so compassionately walked us through the whole diagnosis, surgery, delivery and loss of our boys came into the room after the tech was done. He took a look at the baby. Shook my hand and gave me an A+ for making a healthy baby. We breathed.

Leaving the office with that news gave us a redemptive feeling for the place, time of year and the attempt to grow our family. This time instead of tears and shock, we drove home with content smiles.




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I thought I'd share another story that happened today in the ultrasound room.

When we saw the baby's profile, I instantly though "Oh my gosh it looks like Zachary." When the technician left the room, I told David what I thought. We instantly laughed, preggo brain forgot that Zach didn't come from the same little nest that this baby is growing in. I guess it just goes to show how much you can love a little guy, whether he was born to me, a woman in Portland, Jamaica, Antarctica or on the moon!

Monday

Frankly, I'm feeling the same way right now. I'm just not as cute. AND I would never post photos of myself doing this.









This happens to be my favorite photo.

May Tuesday not be so tiring.
Good Night.

Thankful Thursday

Need I Say More?



Because I don't know how to do a blog post without out talking, I do need to say more. There is a story with these photos and it goes like this...


Once upon a time there was a very fussy little boy. Not milk or juice, cookies or cheese, movies or music, nor toys and games and certainly not his mommy or daddy could fix his tears and sorrows. Even the most magical place in all the land could not help this little boy. You see, even at the Park he still cried and threw some dragon-like fits.

His mommy's ears and head were starting to hurt from all the sad noises coming from inside her home. She did everything she knew how to do, then left the rest up to daddy when he got home from work. Daddy did his best while mommy made dinner, but nothing could break the poor little boys spell.

Then, at last, the doorbell rang. Grandma and Papa came in to join us for dinner and though the little boy didn't want to eat and spilled everything off his tray, it was what happened after dinner that saved the day.

Love Struck

I should be working right now. Zach is being watched so I can work. Precious time to be productive without ignoring my little one's needs.

My mind is completely preoccupied.

I've never been that woman that just loves being pregnant. I do have nice hair as an outcome, but I'm not too fond of putting weight on. I love a full nights sleep. Eating more is a benefit, but for some reason this time I am eating too much I am sure. I'm always on the go, so when my energy runs out around noon and I'm completely spent by 7pm I feel like I'm always behind, always, always tired. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I'm not. I am thankful I can be pregnant.  I just can't relate to woman who love being pregnant.

Yesterday I heard the little heart beat at the doctors office. I think I've been love struck since yesterday afternoon! Then I heard my heartbeat in the background. My steady, much slower, calm and strong heart is guiding and growing that fast little pulse. I swallowed back a tear. Oh how many tears have been dropped on doctor office floors from my eyes.

Of course I worry about having a healthy baby.  I don't want to get too attached in-case of all the "what ifs". I can't bare the thought of leaving the hospital without my baby(ies) again.  But something unexplainable happens when you see or hear that little life inside of you. It is completely impossible not to attach. Not to do anything it would take to give it the best chance at life you could give it. Overcome with love for someone you've never met, yet 24 hours a day it is inside of you. We are one.

Maybe I should get back to work.

Thankful Thursday

So I haven't been very consistent with my blogging, even less consistent with the Thursday posts about something you are thankful for. I guess it's never too late to try again.

Today is Thursday. I was supposed to be in St. Helens visiting my grandma this week. She only has dial up internet, no cell phone coverage, cooks great comfort food and has the best beds to sleep in! I was really looking forward to my weeks stay. I needed some time to rest, a break from work, and she hasn't gotten to spend much time with Zachary. When our departure date came Zach was really sick. Green sick. So instead of going only for a day or two, we completely rescheduled the trip. I was so bummed! I told my grandma I wanted to be selfish and come anyway, and she said in her wise grandma way "We've all had to learn the disappointments of being a mommy to a sick baby."

I tried to make the best of it, I still took the week off of work (almost), finished and started some house projects and nursed my sick little monster sweetie back to health.

So, today is Thursday and I'm thankful for Netflix. Seriously. We just got it and you can watch older movies instantly online. (We don't have TV or cable or such.) I found 'Kipper Helps Out' an agreeable dog with a sunny smile that learns some valuable life lessons while helping out some new friends. I cut an apple and a few slices of cheese. Put my little man on the couch. Ignored the runny nose and the fussy tones. Don't judge. I got 20 minutes of blissful cleaning done. And this cute photo to boot!

I think he knows how to work it. 

Dear You,

I've been doing some thinking lately. Some thinking that requires some quiet time, so it doesn't happen very often. I've been finding some quiet spaces here and there in the mornings and a few times while I've been in the car driving.

Many of the thoughts have been about you. Yes, whoever is on their computer reading this now. Some of you have written me emails, others call, some post comments. I'm so happy you like reading my blog; but more than that, why would you? Very few have lost twins to TTTS like us, and few have adopted through DHS. Even fewer are married by 17 and have 6 siblings. I don't pride myself in thinking I am completely unique, but I do often feel strangely that no one has been in my shoes.

During one of my quiet mornings I was listening to a book on tape (well CD) and heard this;

"It is the fashion of today to complain about these missing pieces- to blame our backstory for not having fully prepared us. But I think that's a mistake. I think we are all meant to search. We have all been taught some of what love is, and the rest we have to go figure out. There is a yearning to fill our gaps, to make up for what we have missed.

This is true for us, and it was true for our parents, and it was true for every generation before them. Unfortunately, it will also be true for our children. This is the nature of life. We have not been cheated. We get this chance at life, but we have to hold up our end of the bargain. We have to learn what love is, learn the parts we missed and pass it on. That's the deal."

Now, Po Bronson is talking about family in his book "Why Do I Love These People?". Families that have 'lost their way' and make life-long journeys to love and forgive. Truly it is a great read.

When I heard those two paragraphs, I knew something. Though he was talking about family, it also relates to us as individuals in this life. We are searching. Though you may not have done or experienced some or any of the pieces that make up my story, YOUR story is really not that different.

Pain, suffering, love, connection, being a parent, or being a child. Forgiveness and mercy, deception and despair. Frustration and breakthroughs, triumph and failures. They are what make us human. They are what bind us is sharing this experience in life. What make us brother and sister on such an unknown journey. We each have a past and from it we try to make tomorrow better. Each of our tomorrows are still secret to us, but we hope and anticipate for it. Though mine may not look or read just like yours, the same joy and sadness that I speak of, you have felt.

Loss and beauty are each ours to have. It is what we do with them, how we weave them into our lives that can determine how we see ourselves and our world. Like they are mine, they too are yours.

Thank you for helping this be a place where I've learned, shared, healed and hoped.

Love,
Alyssa