I hate to say that it's taken a migraine to slow me down long enough to blog again. I don't know what I've been up to, but it sure has been fun!
We had a wonderful Christmas with lots of family and lots of traveling. Then we caught up on missed sleep over the New Year's weekend. I'm not proud to admit that I, at the ripe ol' age of 23, was asleep by 11pm on New Year's Eve. I won't be making that a tradition, but, well I really don't have an excuse. I've been enjoying time with my sister and swimming a few laps here and there, along with sewing mittens and trying new recipes. Huckleberry muffins came out of the oven today. I wish I could open my kitchen for a few hours a day, run a mini bakery out of it. I wonder if it would work? Last week I made Apple Cinnamon Cake with Caramel and Coconut Drizzle browned to a perfect crunch. Apple Crisps and my secret homemade hotcakes. Potato Rolls and soups. I really love to cook.
We have also entered another round in the adoption process. We should know sometime in the next couple of days when our committee date is scheduled. We will be going to committee for a one year old boy. To be honest I don't know what to think. I'm slightly worried about the out come of the committee again. The feeling when you answer the phone and hear "You were not selected", is most closely likened to a loss, a mini death. Though you know the child was never yours to "lose" in the first place, a connection, an attachment starts to form in our hearts the day we find out we have been selected. Reading paper after paper, file after file. Talking to social workers, foster moms, hearing the children play and cry in the background, you hear that little voice before you go to sleep at night, wondering and praying that it could be yours. As one could imagine when the little ones go to another family, you can't help but grieve in a small way that you won't get the opportunity this time. At the same time there is peace and closure that this child was placed with a family and the little one can start their journey with their forever family. Though I am nervous about the emotional ride, I am excited about the possibility, and this little one would make a wonderful fit into our home as well as our large and loving family.
I don't like posting without a picture, but my head hurts too bad to get back out of bed... so picture this;
Dressed but with messy hair and slippers on, I lay propped up by pillows on my half made bed. Other than the computer screen I'm typing on, I see a very cold looking day. Wind blowing the tree tops and bushes, hard packed snow that is really closer to ice covers the ground. Inside on the floor are two furry friends curled up so tightly they look like potato bugs under a rock, fast asleep. I think I might join them.
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Hey you, Just sitting here by my lonesome and remembering you and your encouraging words as they flow through my empty emotionless head right now... so i thought since i cant see you in person yet i would get on here and take a gander at all the amazing things you've done and said. As i read through your blogs (and listening to exteremly peaceful music) i started to cry. Every word you said hit home and made me miss family more than ever. I think i've forgotten a lot of things that i never should have. For one, to be thankful for everything in the times that are the hardest. you and dave have been through a lot and have only ever come out stronger people for it. I wish i could be like that. Im in a house where im living with someone i love, a family who cares, and my own room for hardly 200 a month and im thinking of all the bad and how i hate having to try and find a job how bored ive been lately and being way to negative. basically in all that i just want you to know that while we havent been talking to much recently i seriously appricate absolutly everything you and dave have done for me. i dont think i ever said thank you for opening your house to me while i was in need. i took so much for granted during that time and am paying for it now. all the hurt i've caused myself and others is more than i know right now. So in that im exteremly sorry for everything and thank you so much for being there for me in more ways than i could have asked for. You make me so happy and i love you dearly. If you open a bakery please please hire me! im a bit desperate at the moment ;)I love ya sis i want ya to know your the biggest encouragment in my life, making me want to see the postive in everything and be thankful for everthing as well.. we need coffee date sometime! maybe just a phone date will have to do for now but i want to catch up (well just talking for starters would work too). I miss you and everyone so much! Im praying for ya and new nephews or nieces as well. Give dave a hug for me :) See ya soon.
ReplyDeleteIts balerie by the way ;)
ReplyDeleteVal,
ReplyDeleteI was pretty sure it was you who was writing. You are very good at putting what you feel into words, I hope I sound half that clear when I write. I love you dearly, to the moon and back, millions or times. I hurt for you,. knowing we all have to live and face our days with the decisions we've made for ourselves and some life chooses for us. I'll be fair and say, it suchs. But I know there is beauty and you are doing a wonderful job learning. You are very wise young grasshopper! In all honesty and joking aside, I am overjoyed and so proud of you. Thank you so much for letting me know how you feel, it made my day , and my week and it will be hard to top. You are forever welcome and I hope only goodness and mercy in your life as you search for the next chapters. You deserve it.
We miss you too and can't wait to see you this week! I've been cleaning so you have a nice place to stay!! And you are welcome for everything, always.
Love , Alyssa and David