A succession of many 1st anniversaries

Starting today and continuing for the next 4 weeks or so, we will celebrate and mourn again, through the one year anniversaries of many big moments for David and I.

Today, last year, we (or rather I) laid on a table with a large belly covered in sonogram jelly watching two little babies on a black and white monitor. I had no idea that every time the technician left the room, she was asking and telling the Dr. her concerns. We found out that our babies were ; Identical, boys, and diagnose with a life threatening condition Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. After an hour or so the news was broken to us and shocked I looked at the floor. Having no idea what everything would look like, or what would be next, we were scheduled for a surgery in Seattle for four days later.

The drive home was long and teary. Things like this don't happen to people like us, I thought over and over. We are too young to experience loss, and our family is so big and so loving we need two babies so everyone can have their turn! So many things rushed through our minds.

We had dinner at Loren and Sue's (David's parents) with David's grandparents and my parents. We shared, cried and came up with a game plan. We went home, cried some more, packed our bags, and cried myself to sleep.

Tonight, at the moment, I don't have alot to say. I just cannot believe it has already been a full year since that day.

Tomorrow David and I are headed back to Boise to attend a memorial service put on by St. Lukes for families that have lost babies and children.

Thanks for thinking of us during this time of year. I don't anticipate it to be dark, or bad, just most likely more emotional than last month or the month before. These anniversaries are hard, but also pieces in the healing. So they are welcomed moments, even though they can hold only a few precious moments in a sea full of sadness.

"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too beautiful to forget."