These two boys have taught us how to grieve with others and how suffering can be our greatest moments of doubt. These have been our truest moments in self realization, as well as our greatest quest for meaning in this life. I feel that I will never be able to look at this life the same. Though our loss is great, so is the quest that brings meaning. Their gift to us is the spiritual search that has lead to a place of peace.
I’ve heard from others also, that it was in their suffering that they found meaning and purpose in this life. Suffering is a natural thing in this life. We all have to experience our share. I’d like to come out the other side fuller, stronger, and savoring the beautiful things in life.
We would love for you to be apart of our story no matter how far you live from us. I know that many of the important people in our lives will never be able to hold our boys in their arms, but you’ll never let them leave your hearts. A photographer gave us such a beautiful gift the night our boys came and left this world. The gift of a photo, a moment that will be forever in our hearts can now be shared with you.
We named both boys names that represented how we knew them in the womb and through ultrasound and via camera from the laser surgery I had. Quintin was the first one to be born. He was the “donor” twin. Due to his limited blood and fluid supply in the womb, he was always quiet and gentle to his mom. Speedy was always, always moving around. He moved in every ultrasound, during the surgery and all hours of the night he made sure I knew he was there. David and I called him Speedy for a while and when he was born it was the name we wanted to remember him by. Two small babies have left a huge mark upon our lives and they will be carried with us forever.
Thank you for putting your thoughts and feeling into words. Thank you for letting us in to catch a glimpse of the bittersweet road you are traveling. Many people wished they could have been there to hold a hand, shed a tear, and kiss the cheeks of the two we all so desperately prayed for. Though it wasn't possible for everyone to be there at that time, many would like to express their feelings of love and concern for you both. All who know you are hurting with you. We feel it everyday and in many different ways. Thank you for sharing your heart, your experience, your boys, with us. We love you dearly.
ReplyDeleteI listened to this song and it was pretty, then I listened as I read along with the lyrics and then I understood why you chose it. . . and I cried, and I cried, and I cried. . .
ReplyDeletePriscilla Ahn
Dream lyrics
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.
I had a dream
What an incredibly sweet family you are!!! Clint and Anna are neighbors and friends and shared your story with my husband and I. My heart ached for you both as the journey is so different for each of you. I remembered the times I sat on the couch with my fuzzy maltese wondering how a person could have so many tears and how much bigger could my eyes get. I watched God place just the right people in my life at just the right time. I felt His incredible love for us as we experienced the bonding and tearing of that sweet little boy, Levi. I remember the most meaningful words of the Lord to me as I sat crying and missing him once again. It was a sweet thought that filled my mind with , "Did you ever think that maybe Levi needed a good mommy to go through his short life with? Did you ever wonder Who would do the choosing of the parents that would be the most loving and the precious to him during his short stay there on Earth? I chose you. I love you."
ReplyDeleteI melted in thanks as I remember to this day that My God chose me and loved me even though it would break my heart. I thought I knew God's sweet friendship before this time, and although I would hate to repeat it, I am so thankful for the major depth of love that I know now that I have walked with Him through our "Little Bug".
You are both doing very well from what I have read. The pictures are stunning and precious! We will continue to pray for you as this next year will be so difficult. Walk with Jesus as you continue to grow.
Blessings,
Cami Kelley
Cami Kelley,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sweet, sweet words. You brought warm tears to my face as I thought about being chosen to care for these two precious boys. My heart still breaks, and I'm sure that there will always be a missing piece. You touched me with your concern and encouragement, and though at times I feel like God didn't hear my begging and pleading, I truly know he has been here...because I've felt Him in people like you.