Monday, September 21, 2009

The Cost to Consider

*This has been sitting on my browser open for two days now, unpublished. I've been busy, and not sure this whole thing makes any sense. Sorry.

We've been driving through life in the fast lane it seems. The Henry house hold is always on the go, and if we aren't on the go, then I am busy brewing up something around the house. We are trying to eat all the wonderful veggies out of the garden before the frost hits which means lots of good dinners, but alot of time being spent in the kitchen as well. I love cooking, I just don't like to clean up after. I've also been busy, busy with Senior Portraits, but it is just a seasonal thing, so it won't last forever. (Check out if you'd like to see what I've been working on.)

I go back and forth about being so busy. In many ways I don't mind it at all. I'm being productive and active, meeting lots of people. When I go to bed at night I fall asleep very fast. Plus it seems at times to help all the waiting with the adoption process to go quickly. Yet that is just it; we have no idea how long we will be waiting, so how do I know if being busy helps the time pass?

I was feeling pretty discouraged today about the whole adoption process. Sometimes it just feels like we are constantly waiting for something that we have no idea how long it will take. Then it seems exciting when you submit your home-study for a child, and yet sad at the same time because you don't know if you will even be considered. I know I am kind of complaining, I'm processing also. I think the tough part is knowing how many children are waiting and not knowing when we will be matched with our child. The other piece of this roller coaster is that you have to actually imagine yourself parenting the child(ren) that you apply for. So to mentally and emotionally put yourself out there long enough to see it being something you can do, sets you up potentially to be disappointed and discouraged every time you aren't called back.

I was slightly sulking today when I read "But the path ahead still demands walking in trust, risk, and various degrees of darkness. Henceforth, you will remember in the darkness what you once experienced in the light. But the path ahead will always be a necessary mixture of darkness and light." I have to remember this, not only about the adoption process, but about life in general. When things that we "see" for ourselves don't happen in our timing, there is nothing we can do but remember things work out. I don't have major philosophical answers, but really just a small sliver of hope. Faith, not necessarily in knowing I'll get what I want, but a faith that there is purpose in all of this. I'm unsure in what that is, and I'm not even saying everything happens for a reason, but rather, we can find purpose once we've gone through something. "Faith is often clarified and joy-filled hindsight—after we have experienced our experiences"

Anyway I'll stop my ramblings...for now.

I thought I would share a clip that I watched on . It made some of the seemingly endless waiting feel like it is worth something, someday.

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