Monday, March 30, 2009

One of my very enjoyable jobs...

Since I know I have a few more readers for this blog than my photography blog, I thought I'd include you (Bakerites) in the invite to this Friday's art walk. I'll be at Mad Matilda's this Friday, April 3rd, from 6-8pm. I'd love to see you there!


Friday, March 27, 2009

Safely At Home

This is just a quick post to say we are home. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, and though we are tired (because we drove through the night) we have a refreshed spirit about us. I'll have to tell you more about the trip later.

For now here are a few pictures from visiting with my Aunt Anna, Uncle Clint and little cousin Jonas. Thanks for your hospitality, and for all the wonderful juices! You spoiled us!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

It has been three months today from our most unwanted day back in December. Looking back, it is crazy that this much time has gone by already. Back in December every day felt like an eternity. At times I couldn't even think of tomorrow. Before we left the hospital in Boise, our doctor sat next to my bed and held my hand while he said "Time will heal much better than words." These words have been a piece of my hope. Knowing that I must go on to heal hasn't been easy, but it has been better than staying in my bed.

To be quite candid, I haven't let go of many things. I know nothing will change, but maybe at times I haven't admitted that I won't have them back. Sorry if this seems silly, but it was a realization I made a few days ago, when tears overwhelmed my eyes and I had a hard time talking with David about it being over. David and I have been attending a conference here in Albuquerque, NM and tonight seemed like a break through point for me. I'll see if I can explain. Tonight Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest, shared some thoughts that tasted very good to my soul. He talked about suffering in our lives and how often that suffering comes to us by the death of a loved one. As natural, we want to blame and have reasons for the loss experienced, and yet often there can be no explanation. Now obviously, just stating that there aren't answers wasn't what I found peace with. It was the idea he presented that there are many things we don't understand, yet we can find peace and stillness in these mysteries. The comfort is in this, God is here. I am His and so are my boys. Though there is much pain in this, it can also be beautiful. Richard Rohr teaches the beauty of tension, knowing God and yet being surrounded by such mystery; being able to see beauty in such pain. Though it seems hard to understand how you can have both or believe in such paradoxes, we accept that Jesus, while on earth, was fully human and yet fully God. I'm not sure if I am making much sense, probably not since I should have retired this mind of mine a few hours ago.

We also sang a song that I had never heard before but it was beautiful and perfect to lay my burdens down.

Jesus, Savior, pilot me,
Over life’s tempestuous sea;
Unknown waves before me roll,
Hiding rock and treach’rous shoal;
Chart and compass came from Thee:
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

As a mother stills her child,
Thou canst hush the ocean wild;
Boist’rous waves obey Thy will
When Thou say’st to them, “Be still!”
Wondrous Sov’reign of the sea,
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

When at last I near the shore,
And the fearful breakers roar
’Twixt me and the peaceful rest,
Then, while leaning on Thy breast,
May I hear Thee say to me,
“Fear not, I will pilot thee.”

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Wish You Were Here...

Hello! We are enjoying ourselves here in Moab, Utah. David and I got up before the sun and went into Arches National Park to see the sun hit the rocks. Beautiful!!! Here are some photos...keep in mind we slept in the car so please, excuse our hairdos.

Sunrise in Arches

Delicate Arch behind us




Monday, March 16, 2009

Just Some Thoughts

I haven't been very good about writing these last few days. My mind has been much more still recently, which has provided some restful sleep.

David and I are leaving for our road trip this Wednesday and are really looking forward to the time away together. While we are gone, our 3 month mark along with my "scheduled" due date will come and pass. After these dates, I will only have one last due date in April to come. (With many twins, and in my case, I had a scheduled c-section at 37 weeks, therefore creating two due dates.) Though I've never been someone to wish time to hurry and pass, it will be nice once there are no more dates to come.

While we are gone we will be visiting Arches National Park and Sedona. We are also planning on attending a conference with a few of our favorite authors and visiting a much loved aunt, uncle and little cousin in Phoenix. We plan on visiting a monastery while doing a short pilgrimage. New scenery and landscape, along with the spiritual experiences and enrichment are much awaited.

On another note, I want to express how wonderful St. Luke's and all their medical professionals have been during and after our loss. I have never received such compassionate and tender care from any other nurses. I received a card in the mail with notes from four of my nurses just this weekend. They remembered our boy's names and sent their thoughts our way. It brought tears and comfort to me as I read their words. I could never fully be able to express our gratitude for the care and compassion we received from that hospital.

On yet another note, is anyone else ready for Spring?!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Looking forward to Spring

There seems to often be a tension between feeling sad and feeling like I want to move forward. This may or may not make any sense. It is like part of me just wants to sit and cry and think about how much I want to hold my babies. Then, other parts of me want to smile and enjoy life, not forgetting, but taking deep breaths and moving forward with life. I'm guessing it is okay to do both for now. Friday was a big step for me. I cleaned the babies' room. Huge warm tears rolled down my face as I took down the cradle. I folded the blankets and crib sets, put them back in boxes and placed them on the top shelf in the closet. Everything was so backwards! Instead of setting everything up, getting ready, it was time to put it away. I wasn't really sure when the time would come, but something came over me Friday with the warm sun and birds chirping. Almost as if Spring was really coming after all.


It has been a long winter here at the Henry Home. I'm ready for warmth, sunshine and new life. Today three little birds visited my front porch, they brought a smile to my face.

I thought I should put a small disclaimer here for all of you who read this blog; I am doing good, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I know I often write about heavy and sad issues, but please don't think I am living in only those thoughts. I write about them more often because they are the thoughts that need to get out of my head and be sorted out. I am hoping as more time passes these conflicting and sad thoughts will lessen and I will have much more to write about. Until then, thanks for reading my story.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Sometimes I Feel Looney

I feel on a whole, that I am healing at a good and appropriate pace. Though there is no real guideline and every person responds differently during the healing process. I'll admit that there is no real way to measure how I'm doing, besides being honest with how I feel each day and working on making positive strides for my future.

I've been doing a few things recently that I've never done and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of. Well almost every minute of a workout class at the Y. It's fun to get out in the morning and feel your muscles ache, at least I enjoy it! I've met some new people and I can lift a gallon of milk again! (Three weeks of bed rest really did me in quick.)

I have spent a few days out at North Powder Elementary school helping with math in the 3 and 5th grade classes. This I've enjoyed every minute of! I'm going back tomorrow and can't wait.

David and I are taking a road trip in a few weeks. Not necessarily in memory of the boys per say, but in a sense a trip we feel will be spiritually refreshing and will provide some new scenery. We didn't exchange gifts at Christmas and haven't spent anytime out of Baker together for several months. We are both excited about hitting the road for a while.

In the midst of making some positive strides, there can also be some hard days, and even random hard hours inside of good days. I've found huge lumps in my throat as well as huge warm tears brimming at my eyes with no notice. More tears than I would like. I wasn't surprised, mostly disappointed that the tears come so often when I feel like I've been doing so well. I found this to be an interesting take on crying and tears; "Scientists have discovered that the emotional tears contain higher levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin, and this contributes in a reduction of both of these in the body; thus helping to keep depression away. Many people have found that crying actually calms them after being upset, and this is in part due to the chemicals and hormones that are released in the tears."

This made me feel okay about those crocodile tears making the way down my face.

But why am I laughing and crying, sometimes at the same time? I am loosing it? Am I going crazy?

"We need both laughter and tears to help us function. Crying relieves stress, reduces hormone and chemical levels in the body, and helps us return to a calm state. Laughter relieves stress, stimulates healing, exercises certain parts of the body, and helps in human bonding. That is why crying and laughing are beneficial to us both emotionally and physically."

This made me feel a little better about least both are healthy and a piece of my healing. Also I've never been a touchy feely sort of person, but I've found hugs to be something that I love from people! So if you see me around, don't hesitate!